Loving Graham Page 12
“Yes, the flight leaves at 7:00 a.m. Sorry it’s so early, but that’s all they had available at the last minute.”
“That’s cool, I have a lot to do when I get back anyway. I had to cancel my schedule yesterday, so I’ll probably catch up on a few clients. I’m going to be gone for two weeks, and everyone is trying to get in before I leave.”
“Where are you going?” Two weeks? I don’t like the thought of not seeing Graham for two weeks at all.
“Milan, it’s a modeling gig.”
“Milan, as in Italy?”
“Yeah,” he chuckles. “Have you been? I figured since you’re from England, you probably visited Italy.”
“No, I haven’t. There aren’t many opportunities for travel when you grow up in an orphanage.”
He shoots me an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even think.”
“It’s no big deal.”
“You should go with me. I could show you around, and you could come to my shoot. I’m only modeling a couple of days, the rest of the time I’m doing hair.”
“I can’t take two weeks off work but thanks for the invitation. Besides, I don’t know if I could handle sightseeing in a country like that with you. I’d have to buy a new suitcase just for the souvenirs you’d make me buy.”
“You would for sure. If you change your mind, let me know.”
“I will.” I won’t, though, change my mind, that is. When I left England, I swore I would never cross the pond again. I have done everything I can to leave my heartache and abandonment issues behind, and even though Italy isn’t the U.K., it’s close enough.
“You won’t.”
“What?”
“I can tell by the way you said I will that you won’t.”
“You’re right, I won’t. I came to the U.S. for a fresh start in life and going to Europe feels like taking a step backward even if it’s just a vacation.”
“I get it, going back to where I got addicted is hard for me, too, sometimes, especially when the shoots are where I used to party a lot. But that was only a few years of my life. I get that for you it was your entire life, and that’s got to be hard.”
I hadn’t thought about that. He got hooked on drugs over there while working as a model, and he still goes. Maybe someday I’ll suck it up and take a trip back, but not now, it’s still too soon.
“When do you leave?”
“Wednesday afternoon, which reminds me, I haven’t found anyone to watch Sherman and Klondike. Gloria usually does it, but she’s going to be running the salon, and she has her kids, so I didn’t want to ask her. Any chance you’d be able to come over and check on them while I’m gone?”
“Yeah, but won’t they need walks and supervision? They seem like they could get into a lot of trouble if left unattended.”
“They’re kenneled when I’m not there. Gloria usually lets them run around for a while every day and then puts them back in their crate.”
“How would you feel about me staying at the house, so they don’t have to be in a kennel all day?” I hate the thought of those two cooped up in crates for two weeks only being let out occasionally to stretch their legs.
“You’d do that?”
“Sure, you’ve got a great place, and I’m sure Nicky would enjoy having some privacy for a change.”
“In that case, hell yeah. You can move in and make yourself at home.”
We pull up to the hotel where a valet attendant meets us and takes our keys. I notice him checking out Graham’s ass as we walk away. That’s the thing I hate about dating a hot guy, he’s not just hot to me. The whole world wants to take him home and strip him down, not just me.
I hate that. Jealousy is so petty and immature, but it’s a big part of who I am, unfortunately. All those years of watching other kids get adopted and find loving families while I sat in a dingy orphanage alone did something to me. I’m not jealous of other people’s material things or successes, but love and family, that’s a different story.
“What’s wrong?” he asks threading his fingers with mine.
“Nothing.”
“That deep groove going on between your eyes, that’s not nothing, dude. What’s wrong?”
I chew on my bottom lip while we wait for the elevator. The lobby is quiet for this time of day, no heels clicking on the impeccably clean marble floors, no children crying, no suitcases wheeled in and out the front door. The lack of distraction keeps my mind clear, and that clarity leads to me telling the truth.
“It’s embarrassing.”
“What’s embarrassing?”
“The thing that’s bothering me.”
“Well, in case you’ve forgotten, I told you the very embarrassing story of my life last night. I’m not one to judge, cross my heart.” He drags his finger in an ‘x’ over his heart.
The elevator dings, and we step into the empty car. “I’m a jealous man, and I have some self-esteem issues that flare up when someone looks at the man I’m sleeping with the way that valet just looked at you.”
I expect him to be irritated or blow me off for feeling this way. What I don’t expect is what he does next. Graham pushes me up against the wall of the elevator and kisses me with enormous passion and fervor. He devours my mouth and presses his thick cock into my hips showing me with his arousal just how much I do not need to be jealous.
When the doors open, he pulls away, and a girl who looks to be about fourteen is standing there waiting for the elevator. She’s standing with one hand on her hip chewing gum when she says, “I’d say get a room, but you probably already got one, huh?”
I feel the heat of a blush creep up my neck, and Graham laughs. “Indeed, we do, and if you’ll excuse us, that’s where we’re going.” We exit the elevator, and she steps in blowing a giant bubble. It pops, and she sucks the sticky pink wad back into her mouth. “Have fun, guys,” she says suggestively with a little knowing wave as the doors slide shut.
“Since when did teenage girls get so brazen?” I ask not expecting an answer.
“I don’t know, but I love it. Can you imagine that scenario ten years ago? That girl’s jaw would have come unhinged, and she probably would have run back to her room yelling at her parents to call the cops because two guys were kissing in the elevator.”
“You have a point. Acceptance has come a long way.”
“Sure has. Back to your problem, your jealousy is hot but misplaced. I’m into you, Levi. You don’t have to be jealous. I’m a one-man guy. I don’t have time in my life to play games. And at the risk of scaring you off, I’m at a point in my life where I’d like to settle down and focus on one person.”
Holy shit. He wants to settle down, and I think he means with me. This can’t be happening. I don’t have good luck like this. I’m the guy who gets used and tossed to the side when the hot guy gets tired of me.
We stop in front of the door to our room. “You’re not talking, and it’s scaring me.”
I shake my head astonished at his admission. He is scared, ha! How on earth could a man as gorgeous as Graham Blackwell be unsure of himself?
“I, uh, I’m just surprised, that’s all.”
“Good surprised or bad surprised?”
I’ve been examining a scuff on my left shoe, but his question brings my eyes to his. “Good, bloody hell good, of course.”
His face relaxes into a smile. He stares at me smiling for a while when I start to feel like his eyes are laughing at me. “What are you smiling about?”
“Bloody hell? Dammit, man, you have no idea how much that accent of yours turns me on.”
Did I say bloody hell? I haven’t said that in a long time. I thought my accent was almost gone. Something about being with Graham causes me to relapse, and I guess that’s a good thing because the look in his eyes right now says he’s about to show me a bloody good time.
“Come on, hot English cop boyfriend, I want you to teach me some sexy British slang.” He taps the key card against the lock and pushes the doo
r open for me. He called me his boyfriend. He called me his boyfriend, and he wants to settle down.
Is this what I want? I mean, yes, of course, I want Graham. Who wouldn’t? But things feel like they’re going too fast all of a sudden. Labels and permanency and futures never used to make me break out in a cold sweat. Did my relationship with Neil ruin me for all others? God, I hope not. I’m falling for this man, and I don’t want my insecurity to ruin it for me, but how do I overcome these feelings of inadequacy and insecurity?
“Levi?” he says in his gruff, sexy voice, and I realize I’m still standing in the hall. I enter and set down my bags full of souvenirs on the bed.
“You remember that story I told you I wasn’t ready to share this morning?”
“Yeah.”
“I think I need to tell you about it now.”
“Okay,” he says putting his bags down on a chair and removing his jacket. “Can I ask a favor first?”
“Uh, yeah, I guess so.”
“Take off your clothes and get into bed before you tell me.”
“Why?”
“I have a feeling this is going to be an emotional story, and I want to be as close to you as possible when you tell me.”
I’m not sure if this is a ploy to get me into bed, not that he needs one, so I nod and begin to undress. He does the same keeping an eye on me the whole time. When I’m naked, I slip under the covers and watch Graham go to the window and close the blackout curtains. I don’t know how he made it back to the bed in the pitch black room, but when he does, he slips in and spoons me from behind.
His arousal is obvious, but he doesn’t make a move to act on it. He curls his warm, hard body around me and takes my hands in his. “Okay, tell me what has you so distracted and gloomy, baby.”
I sink back against the safety that is him and tangle my feet with his. “Three years ago, I was engaged to be married to a man I loved, or thought I loved, more than life. His name was Neil, and we had been dating for two years.”
“What do you mean you thought you loved?” he says quietly into my ear.
“I had never been in love before Neil. I had never been loved by anyone before. I had no idea how it felt or how it was supposed to be. With no reference, I had no idea what to expect in a serious relationship. Neil picked up on that and took advantage of it. It was good at first. We met at a party somebody at the precinct was having, and he was nice enough. But as time went on, he started trying to control every aspect of my life. I took this as him being protective, but now that I look back, I know it wasn’t that at all. He slowly became verbally abusive, and that morphed into occasional physical abuse. Then he started wanting to do kinky things in the bedroom which I wasn’t opposed to at first, but when it became demeaning and dangerous, I put a stop to it, and that made things worse.” I stop and take a breath before continuing. My past is difficult to admit, it’s embarrassing, and I’m so afraid Graham will see me as a weak, pathetic man when he knows the truth.
“It’s okay, take your time, I’m here, and I’m not leaving you no matter what.”
Yeah, he says that now. I take a deep breath and dive back into my humiliating story. “Neil always claimed he was faithful to me, and he used that as a weapon. He told me if I didn’t give him what he wanted, he would find it elsewhere. By then, I was so brainwashed that I believed him, and I went along with anything… threesomes, orgies, bondage, submission, sickening role playing, blood play, breath play… anything. He almost killed me on more than one occasion. But then one day it was like someone flipped a switch, he started treating me better, sex was vanilla again, and he asked me to marry him. I thought all my prayers were answered, but it was the set up for his last hurrah. He had been sleeping around with anyone he knew I was friends with. I’m not close with many people other than Nicky, so he had his work cut out for him. But where there’s a will, there’s a way, and he seduced two guys I worked out with at the gym. The three of them had sex in my bed while he videoed it. He got a couple of women at the precinct to do it, too. They weren’t people I knew well, but he knew it would hurt me to see him fucking women in my bed. Then one day I came home, and he had cleaned me out—all my furniture was gone, the money I had in my bank accounts was gone, everything. I’m surprised he left my clothes, but he always said I was a terrible dresser, so I guess that’s why.”
Graham has been running his hand up and down my arm and hip while I talk. He stops now and takes ahold of my hand and squeezes it. “Did you file charges and get him thrown in jail?”
I sigh. This is one of the most humiliating parts of the story. “No.”
“No? Why not? You’re a cop, I’m sure they would take you… Oh, I get it.”
Thank God he understands. I didn’t want to have to explain it. There was no way in hell I was going to tell the people I worked with what my fiancé had done to me. They were just starting to accept me into their circle, and that’s a big deal when you’re gay in a testosterone-riddled profession.
“Nicky wanted to file charges herself, but I wouldn’t let her. She had been robbed, too, since we still lived together. I took out a loan and refurnished the apartment for her. Then I found the video files he left of himself fucking my friends and coworkers on my laptop, the only thing he didn’t steal, and I fell into a deep depression. I swore off men forever after that, and you’re the first person I’ve been with since.”
He’s quiet for a while letting it all sink in. I wish he would say something, anything to let me know he doesn’t think less of me now. Then I feel his warm lips on the back of my neck trailing kisses across my shoulder, and he squeezes me tight.
“Thank you for telling me. I want you to know something, Levi. That story didn’t make me think less of you. I know you were worried it would, but it did quite the opposite. That entire story proves that you are a strong man, a survivor. You learned the hard way what love isn’t, and now I’m going to teach you what love is.”
He turns me in his arms and wastes no time beginning his lesson. He kisses me softly pressing and rubbing his rigid cock against mine until I feel like I’m going to combust. When he reaches for a condom and hands it to me, it’s his way of giving me the power, allowing me to be in charge and take things at my own pace. That’s when I learn how real love is supposed to be. When your partner puts your needs before his own and cares enough to let you lead, that’s love. When he holds you and listens to the most painful part of your past, that’s love. When he expects nothing and gives everything, that’s love.
I am hopelessly, irrevocably, impossibly in love with Graham Blackwell.
Chapter Fourteen
Graham
Levi and I are exhausted on our flight home the next morning. We were up all night making love, ordering room service, and bathing together. When he announced that it was 5:00 a.m., we were shocked at how time had flown. We packed up and raced to the airport calling Saint Stone to check on Jorge one more time. Eduardo says he’s doing as well as can be expected at this point. He spent the night at the clinic to be close if anything happened, and that news worries me.
I know from experience that physicians only stay nearby when they think they might be needed for a code. But he’s in the right place with the best professionals taking care of him. I feel confident leaving Seattle, although my trip to Milan is coming up in a few days, and I know I’m looking at days of intense worry until he’s out of the woods. I’d back out of the shoot if I could, but people are depending on me not only as a model but also as a stylist. If I back out, it’ll put a black mark on my reputation, and people in that industry don’t forgive and forget easily.
Levi’s softly snoring with his head on my shoulder when the flight attendant approaches asking if we would like a drink or a snack. She tilts her head at Levi and gives him an aww and a pouty lip. “You two make a gorgeous couple if you don’t mind me saying. You should let me take your picture, show him how cute he is when he’s sleeping later,” she says wiggling her eyebrows.
I smile and watch her go on to the next row before I look at the picture. She’s right, he is a sleeping beauty, but I don’t know about me being his prince. It’s hard to comprehend why anyone would want to break this man’s heart. He’s nothing but good and honorable, loyal and compassionate. I’d like to find his ex and snap him in half for what he did to Levi. I might be a sweet guy, but when it comes to the people I love, I am fiercely protective.
Love. Do I love Levi? Yes, yes I do. I don’t even have to think about it. I’ve only known him a couple of weeks, and I would never say it out loud, but in my heart, I know he is the man for me. I hope someday he will feel the same way.
The captain announces our descent, and I have to nudge sleeping beauty awake. “Hey, we’re here. I’d tell you to buckle your seatbelt, but you never took it off.” His eyes flutter open, and he yawns like he hasn’t had a two-hour nap.
“We’re home already?”
“Yep, you slept the entire flight.”
“Sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I guess I…”
“You didn’t sleep last night. Please tell me you didn’t forget about that.”
He sits up straight with his eyes open wide. “Of course not, shit, Graham, that was the best night of my life. How could you think I forgot?”
“I’m giving you shit. I’m jealous of your ability to sleep anywhere.” I lean over and give him a reassuring kiss.
“Oh, well, okay then.”
“The flight attendant thought you were adorable. She took a picture, wanna see?”
He groans and covers his face with the palm of his hand. “I don’t know, do I?”
“Yes, you do, look.” I show him the screen, and he stares at it. “She said you were sleeping beauty, and I was your prince charming.” I chuckle.
“That picture is equally embarrassing and beautiful. Embarrassing because I’m drooling on your shoulder and beautiful because well, just because.”