Loving Graham Read online

We make it through the shark exhibit, the salt water exhibit, and the coral reef exhibit before I can’t contain my anxiety any longer. I feel like my brain is boiling and the urge to take off running somewhere, anywhere, is overwhelming.

  “You ready to go?” Liam asks looking at me with his dark concerned eyes.

  “Yes,” I fire back without missing a beat. He knows it’s too much, that’s why he asked, but my immediate response is proof that he’s right. We are just about to enter the Amazon rainforest when Liam taps Kitty on the shoulder.

  “Kitty, I’m not feeling the best, maybe it was something I ate. I don’t know, but would you be terribly disappointed if I wanted to head home early?”

  He’s taking the fall for me. It’s sweet but unnecessary. Kitty wouldn’t have minded if I wanted to leave, she’s very understanding.

  “Well, of course, that’s fine,” she says reaching up to lay the back of her hand on Liam’s forehead like he’s four years old, and she is his mother. “You’re not hot. Maybe it’s just left over fatigue from traveling yesterday?”

  “I don’t know. Anything’s possible, I guess.” He shrugs. Kitty looks around trying to locate the nearest exit, but I did that the second we entered this area, and I know exactly which way to go.

  “The exit’s this way, come on.” I pull Liam through the thinning crowd to the door as if I were taking care of him instead of the other way around.

  Outside it’s muggy and oppressive as it almost always is in Miami, but I hardly notice it. I’m looking for a black Jaguar in a sea of cars like it’s a life preserver in the ocean.

  “We’re this way,” Kitty says leading us across the lot. I can’t remember where we parked, I can’t even think straight right now, but Liam takes my hand and helps me to the car. He is so in tune with me, it’s spooky. It’s like he is experiencing the same rush of urgency and panic to get home just by holding my hand.

  The drive home is quiet. The closer we get, the better I feel, and by the time we are in the garage, I feel fine. I did it, I left the house, and aside from a couple of panic attacks, I made it through alive.

  “Well, that was fun. Maybe we can go back later this week and see the rest of the exhibits,” Kitty says climbing out of the car.

  “That sounds great. Again I’m sorry, Kitty. I just don’t feel the greatest.”

  “No worries, sweet boy. Go inside and rest. I have a couple of errands to run anyway. Oh, Tom will be here in an hour or so to mow the grass. You don’t have to do anything. I just wanted you to know in case you wondered why a strange man is in my yard.”

  “Thank you,” Liam says.

  “Tootles,” she says climbing into her red BMW. That’s her everyday car. It has a Starbucks cup in the cup holder, and a little angel is hanging from the rearview mirror, unlike the Jag that had nothing personal in it, not even a speck of dust or a fingerprint.

  “Bye, thanks for the outing,” I say with a smile.

  She rolls down the passenger window, “Of course, you look like you could use some rest, too. Why don’t you go have a nap, this was a big day for you. I want you to know I’m very proud of your accomplishments the past few weeks. It makes my heart sing to know you are trying to get your life back.”

  “You’re the best.”

  “I know.”

  And then she’s gone down the driveway to do who knows what, who knows where. I’m willing to bet she doesn’t have errands to run. She made up that excuse so we could have some time alone.

  I turn to Liam who is waiting at the door. “You’re not sick, are you?”

  “Nope, fit as a fiddle.”

  “I never understood that saying, why are violins fit?”

  He shrugs. “No clue, but I’m fine. I knew you needed to get out of there, but you didn’t want to disappoint your aunt. So, I was your scapegoat. You’re welcome.”

  “Thank you. But now we are home with nothing to do.”

  “Oh, we have things to do.” He reaches for my hand, and I take it and let him pull me through the house to his bedroom. At his door, he stops and turns to me. “Noah, you haven’t been with anyone before, have you?”

  Wow, I wasn’t expecting him to be so forward. I had planned on telling him about my virginity at some point, but he beat me to it. “No, only you.”

  “You never kissed another man?”

  “No.”

  He sighs and closes his eyes for a beat. “You don’t know how happy that makes me. I want to be your first, your last, and everyone in between. You are mine, you have been the only one I’ve ever truly wanted, and I’m not letting you get away again.”

  He drops my hand and wraps his around my waist pulling me against his chest. He presses his lips to mine, and my hands automatically wind around his neck, fingers in his hair. I hear him open the door behind him, and then he is walking me into his room devouring my mouth until I feel the edge of the bed behind my knees.

  I sit when he nudges me breaking the kiss. He lowers himself into a squat to untie my shoes and remove them along with my socks. I don’t know what to do so I let him lead. I rest my hands on his shoulders for support, and he kisses the inside of my thigh near my knee. I close my eyes and moan when the firecrackers start to explode in my belly again, and my cock twitches hard in my shorts.

  He looks at me with his dark-as-night eyes, and I cup his cheek with my hand. “I’m yours, do with me whatever you want, Liam. I will refuse you nothing.” My words are like signing a permission slip. He places his hand on my chest and pushes me down onto the bed as he stands. Then he hooks his fingers into the elastic of my basketball shorts and pulls them down along with my boxers.

  I’ve never been naked on display for anyone before. I thought it would be uncomfortable, but it isn’t. Everything I do with Liam feels right.

  His eyes fall to my cock lying hard and ready on my belly. “Fuck, Noah. I can’t believe how beautiful you are. I’ve imagined this moment a million times in my head, but you are even more magnificent in real life.”

  I have no response, and I don’t need one because he toes off his shoes, untucks his t-shirt and pulls it over his head by the back of his collar. “Take your shirt off,” he commands, and when I do, I am naked with the man of my dreams.

  I watch every muscle in his body ripple and move as he crawls on top of me and scoots me up the bed along with him. When my head hits the pillow, his mouth is on mine again. The kiss is less demanding and more leisurely as he nips at my lips and lowers his naked torso down onto my throbbing dick.

  I arch my back begging for more skin-to-skin contact. He complies by moving up and down rubbing his hard abs against me. His lips leave mine as he begins kissing a trail down my neck and across my shoulder.

  Every single thing he does is a new experience for me, and he’s doing a lot of things. I’m lying here not participating when I realize I have arms with hands that could be used to explore his body as well. That’s when I place those hands on his narrow hips and slide them up his chiseled back to his shoulders and then down his arms. He feels so incredible, I could do this all day, but quickly I learn he has other things in mind for me.

  The mouth that causes Fourth of July to occur in my belly every time it touches me moves down my chest taking him with it. I would protest, but that same glorious mouth is getting dangerously close to my cock that he promised to suck last night but didn’t get the chance.

  I drop my hands onto the bed and fist the comforter when he licks a drop of pre-cum off the tip of my cock. “Liam…” I whimper, unsure of why I’m saying his name other than to let him know how good that felt.

  “Relax, baby, let me make you feel good,” he says. Good? Is he fricking out of his mind? This is great… “Holy shit,” I gasp and push my head back into the pillow when his warm, wet mouth engulfs my cock all the way to the root. He sucks and licks it all the way to the tip, and I start to worry about embarrassing myself by cumming too soon.

  This is much better than jerking off so much so that I
don’t think I can keep from cumming. “Liam, I can’t, this isn’t going to last…”

  On the upswing, he takes hold of my dick with one hand and lets it pop out of his mouth. “It’s okay, it doesn’t last long the first time, but I want you to cum in my mouth.”

  I raise my head to look at him and nod in agreement before flopping it back down on the pillow. Then his mouth is on me again, up and down, sucking and licking, swirling his tongue around and around until my hips shoot up, and I cum harder than I ever imagined possible. I scream his name and bunch the comforter in my hands so tight my fingers ache.

  When I orgasm by my own hand, it’s a quick few pulses, and then it’s over, but with Liam, it feels like it’s going to last forever.

  I’m floating on a cloud of blissful ecstasy when I hear two things that are alarming. One is the lawn mower which sounds very close to the house, and the other is the garage door closing.

  “Liam, shit, Kitty’s home already, and Tom’s about to drive his mower past your window.” I expect him to jump up and fly into action throwing on clothes and straightening the bed, but no, that’s not Liam’s style.

  He moves up on his hands and knees and kisses me on the mouth where I taste the saltiness of my cum. Then he calmly gets off the bed and walks to the bedroom door, turns the lock and crosses the room to close the curtains.

  When the room is dark, I watch his shadow return to the bed and sit down next to me. I look in his direction, but Kitty has blackout curtains in every room, and they work well. I feel his warm hand on my cheek, and he leans down to kiss me on the forehead.

  “Noah,” he says still hovering over me.

  “Yeah,” I whisper.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you, too. I have for a long time. It feels good to finally tell you.”

  “How long?”

  “I don’t know, ever since I can remember, I think.”

  He pulls away, and his warm hand leaves my face.

  “Your aunt’s coming down the hall. You might want to get dressed in case she knocks on the door.”

  “Oh, okay.” He stands, and I scramble around in the dark collecting my clothes until he turns on the light in the en-suite bathroom so I can see what I’m doing. I don’t like the way that conversation ended. I couldn’t tell if he was shocked that I’ve always loved him or if Aunt Kitty coming down the hall distracted him. I couldn’t lie to him. He should know he’s always been it for me even if I wasn’t always it for him.

  He loves me, though. He said it, and that’s all that’s important, that’s all that matters.

  I pull on my shorts and t-shirt, tug on my socks and shove my feet into my shoes tying them like a four-year-old when Kitty does exactly what Liam suspected she would do. She knocks on the door.

  He motions to the bed, and I turn around and smooth out the comforter and tiptoe around the bed to open the curtains blinding Liam in the process.

  He opens the door, and there is my Aunt Kitty holding a huge box of condoms. She thrusts them at Liam and says, “I thought you might need these, you know, for some hanky panky,” she says with a huge grin.

  “Uh, thank you, Kitty, that was um, very thoughtful of you.”

  Kitty peeks around Liam’s shoulder at me, and I feel obligated to thank her, too, even though it’s super awkward. “Yeah, thanks, Aunt Kitty, it’s kinda weird but thanks.”

  She makes a pfft sound and rolls her eyes before walking away. Liam closes the door and turns to me. “Does this mean we have her blessing?”

  I shrug my shoulders. “I have no idea. I’ve never needed her blessing for anything.”

  Liam crosses the room, opens the night table drawer, looks at me, holds up the box of condoms, and then places them inside before closing the drawer again. “I don’t think we’re ready for that yet, but when we are, this is where they’ll be.”

  I reach out and touch his forearm,. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For everything, what just happened between us, for coming here on vacation…” I nod at the closed drawer, “and for knowing I need to take things slow.” He smiles down at me and moves closer to pull my face in against his belly. I turn to the side and breathe in the woodsy scent that is Liam. He strokes my hair, and I wrap my arms around his waist holding onto him like a lifeline. That’s what he has become to me, a lifeline that I can’t imagine ever cutting.

  What am I going to do when this beautiful man goes back to Washington, D.C, back to his career, and the life he had before me? I’m afraid to ask.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Liam – Get A Room

  I’ve only been in Florida for three days, and it feels like home. Noah has made huge strides in overcoming his agoraphobia. We went to the beach yesterday without one panic attack, the night before we had dinner at a little hole-in-the-wall Mexican joint, and the day before that was the aquarium.

  I don’t know much about the disease, but from what I’ve seen so far, I believe Noah can beat it. I mean, yeah, he isn’t completely comfortable when we are away from home, but he’s come a long way in a few short days of me being here.

  I glance over at him lying on the lounge chair wearing his new swim trunks and a pair of Oakley sunglasses with his arms up and his fingers laced behind his head. After a few days by the pool, his skin is beginning to tan, and the hint of dark circles under his eyes is long gone.

  He also started running again. It’s amazing how fast he still is after living such a sedentary life for all these years. Maybe it’s all that pent-up energy being released all at once.

  And best of all, he has taken some phenomenal landscape photographs and submitted them to a local art museum in hopes they will be interested in giving him an exhibition. He is beyond proud of those pictures, but my personal favorites are the candids of us that he takes with his phone. Every time he takes one, I think that’s the one I want to blow up and hang over the fireplace in my apartment. Then he takes another, and I change my mind.

  As I said, he’s come a long way in a short time, and as the days go by, I can’t help but wonder what we are going to do when the week ends. I have a career I love back home, one that I went to college to get, and I don’t intend to give it up. Noah has his aunt and his blossoming life here in Florida. How are we going to make this work?

  “You’re thinking over there, I can tell. What’s wrong?” he asks, without moving a muscle or looking in my direction.

  “How do you know what I’m doing? You have your eyes closed. You’re not even looking at me.”

  “I don’t need my eyes to know what’s going on. I can feel your energy, and right now it’s dark and concerned.”

  I sit up and put my feet on either side of my lounge and look at him closer. I don’t know how he does this, but I remember him doing it when we were kids, too. He’s a damn mind reader, that’s what he is.

  He removes one hand from behind his head and lifts his sunglasses. “So, are you going to tell me or am I going to have to force it out of you?”

  “I’ll tell you when you tell me how you do that.”

  “Do what?”

  “Read my mind.”

  He rolls his eyes. “If I were reading your mind, I wouldn’t have to ask you what’s wrong. I only read your aura, not your mind.”

  “Aura, mind, vibe, energy, whatever it is, you’ve always been able to do it.”

  He shrugs. “Eh, what can I say? I’m a brilliant computer nerd, photographer, fast as hell, mood ring kind of guy.”

  This makes me laugh. “My human mood ring. That’s actually a really good way to describe it.”

  “Okay, so I told you, now you spill.”

  “You’re not going to like it.”

  He drops his glasses over his eyes and returns his hand to his head. “If I’m not going to like it, then we definitely have to talk about it.”

  I relax my back into the lounge and sigh. “Noah, I love you.”

  “Yeah, you’ve told me that like a hun
dred times this week. I love you, too, although I’m sensing a ‘but’ coming sometime soon.”

  “You think I say I love you too often?”

  “No, you goof. I love that you say you love me, and that I love you, and that we love each other. Would you spit it out already? What’s bugging you?” He sits up and swings his legs to one side of his chair so that he is facing me. I do the same.

  “Where do we go from here? I don’t want us to be apart, but I have to go home in a few days and Noah, I can’t imagine my life without you now.”

  We both have our elbows resting on our knees, and our hands are almost touching. He scoots forward on the edge of his chair and bumps his knuckles against mine. “It’s going to be fine. We are meant to be, Liam. I know it. And when things are meant to be, they have a way of working themselves out. How else would we have found each other on the Internet after years of being apart?”

  “Years, Noah, that’s what I’m talking about. I can’t go years without you again. Hell, I can’t go days without you. And I can’t ask you to leave your home and your aunt, especially when things are going so well for you for the first time in years. But, I have a career I worked hard for, and the only place I can do what I do is on Capitol Hill.”

  The corners of his lips slowly curve up, and then his face explodes in a charismatic smile that makes me want to tell him I love him again. “Why are you smiling? We are discussing our future, or lack thereof, and you’re smiling like the cat who swallowed the canary.”

  “Where is the glass half full, optimistic, love of my life? I’ve never heard you be so glum and negative,” he says play punching my bicep.

  I drop my head and stare down at our flip-flop-clad feet. “You’re the only thing I’ve ever wanted that I can’t have. I don’t see a solution to this problem, and it’s making me nuts.”

  He leans closer and covers my hands with his. “I would come with you if you asked me to, but you never asked. I would go to the ends of the earth to be with you. Aunt Kitty will understand, and we can come and visit her often. I can do my work from anywhere, and frankly, I could use some variety in seasons. I can only take so many pictures of palm trees and beaches, you know?”