Loving Graham Read online

  When I step inside the patio doors, I’m met with my fiercely gorgeous friend and employee, Ari, and her wife, Camilla. These women stop traffic with their larger-than-life exotic looks. Camilla is as sweet and kind as she is sexy, Latina and beautiful. Ari is an African queen who can be scary when you first meet her, but it doesn’t take long to figure out she’s got a huge heart underneath her haute couture looks.

  “Holá, ladies, come in, come in, make yourself at home. You know where everything is.” I kiss each of them on both cheeks and usher them back to the pool.

  “You smell like alcohol already, Graham, are we late?” Ari says teasing in her crude way with her deep voice and sharp eyes.

  “No, I had one quick martini right before you walked in the door. You don’t have much catching up to do.”

  “The house looks so nice, Graham. Thank you for having us. Your barbeque is always the highlight of our summer,” Camilla says in her soft voice. Camilla is in real estate, and every year she begs me to let her sell my house, and every year I tell her hell no. I adore my house, it’s everything I ever wanted in a home growing up and never had. A block from the beach, ten thousand square feet of space to get lost in if I feel like it, a pool, and room for all my friends to crash and spend the night.

  “Hey! You can start the party now, I’m here!” Todd yells walking through the house.

  “Glad you made it, bro. You ready to cook some ribs?” I say slapping him on the back when he reaches me.

  He flinches dramatically. “Ouch, careful there, Mr. Universe. I’m a delicate creature. Handle with care.”

  “That hurt? Dude, we need to get you into the gym and toughen you up.” I take hold of his shoulder and give his thin frame a shake. I’m always bugging him to come and workout with me, but he says he doesn’t want to be too bulky. No chance of that happening—Todd is rail thin. I’m not trying to make him into something he’s not, I just think he would be healthier if he did a little exercise.

  “You know I don’t do gyms. But if you feel like power shopping, I’m your man.”

  “Nah, I have enough clothes. Model, remember?” I say slapping my cheeks. “And don’t you have enough clothes? How can you possibly fit another article of clothing in your apartment?”

  He gasps covering his mouth with his hand. “Shut. Up. There’s no such thing as enough clothes. Styles are always changing, and I have to keep up with the trends.”

  “Or what?”

  He jerks his neck back and opens his eyes wide. “Or I won’t look perfect, that’s what.”

  “You’re funny, dude. Go on outside with the others. I’m going to check on the caterers.”

  “Sure, cool.” I watch him saunter out onto the patio hugging each of his coworkers one at a time. I love bringing these people together.

  In the kitchen, they’re ready to bring platters of hors d’oeuvres out to the pool. I snatch a couple off one of the trays and pop one in my mouth. I’m starving. People started arriving at eight this morning, and I didn’t have time for breakfast. That martini I slammed a few minutes ago is hitting me now. I need some food to soak up the alcohol, or I’ll be deemed boo boo, the bombed barbeque host, and I don’t want that.

  An hour later, the party is in full swing. Everyone is here, all twenty-three of my employees and their significant others, and children are racing around the yard doing cannonballs into the pool and enjoying the music. We’re about to eat. The caterers have the food spread out buffet style on a long table by the grill where they will cook you a steak, ribs, a burger, hot dog, or chicken breast any way you like it.

  I stopped watching for Levi fifteen minutes ago when Gloria threatened to call him if I didn’t relax and enjoy the party. He’s not coming. I didn’t think he would, and it’s better that he didn’t. That whole situation is too complicated. I’m glad I won’t have to worry about it all weekend.

  When we all have a plate of food, we sit down at the tables scattered around the yard, except the kids. They have all made their way into the bounce house. It’s got to be hot inside that plastic bubble. It won’t be long before they get overheated and run straight back into the pool.

  Nobody cares, though. That’s what this day is all about—relaxing and enjoying each other’s families and coming together to make memories we will cherish forever.

  I look around and smile. This shit makes me so happy.

  “You’re a happy boy today, yes?” Gloria says sitting down next to me with a huge plate of food.

  “You’re a hungry girl today, yes?” I say eyeing her plate.

  “Yes, I am. I only eat like this once a year, so I make the best of it.”

  “And I’m only this happy once a year, so I’m making the best of it, too.”

  I wait for a smart comeback. When it doesn’t come, I look up to see her staring over my shoulder. I turn and follow her gaze to the patio. When I see what’s captured her attention, my heart does a little flip in my chest, and a tingly zing races through my body.

  It’s Levi, and he’s not alone. Standing next to him holding his hand is a stunning blonde. I can’t believe it. Levi isn’t gay.

  “Looks like we both lose today, amigo, too bad. I liked the hot cop.”

  “Shush, you promised not to call him that.”

  “I did not. Hey, you better greet your guests. They don’t know anybody, and they’re starting to look a little uncomfortable.”

  “My guests?” I hiss. “If I remember correctly, you were the one who invited them without asking me first, I might add.”

  “It’s your house, your party, you go.”

  I shoot her a death glare and stand up. When I turn around, I plaster on my best fake smile and open my arms. “Hey, look who’s here! San Francisco’s finest and his date!” I walk across the yard and shake Levi’s hand while he introduces me to his woman. “Hi, Graham, thanks so much for having us. This is Nicky, Nicky this is Graham Blackwell.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, Levi’s told me so much about you,” Nicky says in the most delicious British accent. So they are a couple, she’s from England, too, Damn, how could I have been so wrong?

  “All good I hope?”

  “Oh yes, very good.” She opens her eyes wide when she says very, and it feels like she’s insinuating something, but I have no idea what.

  “I’m so glad you could make it. Come on out and grab a plate of food over there by the grill.” I point to my left. “Or if you’re interested in a drink, there’s a fully stocked bar over there. I’m not sure if Gloria mentioned the pool, but if you want to swim, please do. We have plenty of swimsuits you can borrow.”

  “Wow, you go all out when you throw a party, don’t you?” Levi says scanning the yard.

  “I love my employees, they’re like family to me, and family is more important than anything. And, I only throw one party a year, so I figure I may as well go all out. Come, eat, drink, and let me introduce you around.”

  “Thank you, that would be great,” Nicky says.

  I spend the next thirty minutes getting Levi and Nicky settled with food and drinks. I introduce them around a bit, and when they are sitting at a table with my sweet Zoe and her husband, Zach, chatting about a Giants game, I slip away into the kitchen.

  “Señor Blackwell, I think your doggies are wanting to be out of that room. They have been scratching and crying,” one of the caterers says as soon as she sees me.

  “Oh shit, I forgot to let them out. Dammit, I hope they didn’t destroy my bedroom. Thanks…” I squint at her name badge. “Anna.”

  “No problema, Señor.”

  I rush through the house to my bedroom. When I open the door, Klondike and Sherman trample me on their way out. I can’t believe I left them in there that long. I look inside to check the damage. They have managed to pull my comforter off the bed, rummage through my hamper, teepee my room with the roll of toilet paper in my bathroom that is still connected to the dispenser, and, to top it all off, someone had an accident next to the
sliding glass doors that lead out to my deck. Sherman, his old bladder probably couldn’t wait, and he got as close to outside as he could, poor guy.

  I set about making my bed, something I never do, but since I have a house full of company, I figure I should. Then it’s teepee clean up, and when I’m almost finished, I hear a quiet knock on my open bedroom door.

  It’s Levi. “Hi, sorry to intrude, I was looking for the bathroom.”

  “Oh, sure, no problem. It’s down the hall, take a left, and it’s the second door on the right. I’d invite you to use mine but…” I hold up two wads of toilet paper.

  His eyebrows go up. “Ah, must have been a homecoming dance nearby last night,” he says smiling.

  “More like two frustrated dogs. I forgot to let them out after I showered this morning. They made a hell of a mess.”

  “Want some help? I’ve handled my fair share of malicious mischief calls for teepeed houses.”

  “Oh, no, you don’t have to do that, I’ve got it.”

  “I don’t mind.” He walks into the room and starts winding up trails of toilet paper before I can stop him.

  “I saw your dogs out there, cute.”

  “Yeah, really cute.” I roll my eyes, and he chuckles.

  “You want this in the garbage or are you going to recycle?” he asks holding up a giant wad of paper.

  I laugh and point to the trashcan in the bathroom. “Nah, I’m not much of a tree hugger, you can throw it out.”

  “Okay, but don’t call me in the middle of the night when you run out of TP. I’ll have to remind you of all this waste.”

  “No worries, I’m stocked up. Gloria’s got a whole room full of stuff from Costco in the pantry, so I think I have enough toilet paper, Clorox wipes, and paper towels to last me until the end of time.”

  “I take it she’s the organized half of the couple?” he asks.

  “Yeah, I guess you could say that. I’m a right brain kind of guy. I’d be lost without Gloria.”

  “How long have you two been together?”

  I pull on an especially long piece of paper running under my bed and stand up straight. “We’ve been friends for over ten years.”

  “Friends?”

  “Yeah, she’s my best friend. I love her to death.”

  “That’s great. Couples who are best friends always seem to last.”

  Couples? He still thinks Gloria and I are involved. “We aren’t exactly a couple, though, just good friends. I’m gay.” I smile a friendly smile, so he won’t think I’m a dick. I can hardly tease him when my gaydar is so broken.

  He stands there staring at me with his mouth hanging open for what feels like minutes, but I’m sure is only seconds. I bite my lip and cock my head to the side smiling.

  “Oh, come on, you can’t tell me I’m the first gay man you’ve met. You live in San Francisco, and you’re a cop. Don’t you meet hundreds of new people every week?”

  He shakes his head like he’s come back to the present and clears his throat. “No, I uh, of course, I’ve met gay people before. I just thought after meeting Gloria at the salon the other day that, well, that you were together. She’s very affectionate for a friend.”

  “She is, but that was her going a bit overboard for your benefit. She figured if you were interested in me, you might work harder on my case. Fooled her, though, you’re not even gay.” I laugh and toss some of the toilet paper down onto the wet spot Sherman left for me.

  He’s quiet, and when I look up, he’s looking down at his shoes fiddling with the paper in his hands.

  “Sorry, did I say something wrong?” I ask.

  He raises his amber eyes, and something in my gut tells me what he’s going to say is going to rock my world.

  “No, not at all. It’s just I, uh, well, I am gay. Gloria was spot on.”

  “What? I mean, how… I thought you and Nicky were…”

  He chuckles. “No, best friends, just like you and Gloria. Nicky was also my saving grace. We both had rough childhoods and came to America together to get a fresh start.”

  “Wow. I’m kind of embarrassed. I pride myself on not judging others, but I sure had you all wrong.”

  “Hey, don’t beat yourself up. I was wrong, too.”

  We’re standing on either side of my bed staring at each other when Nicky knocks on my door.

  “Hey there, I thought maybe you got lost,” she says to Levi. He looks away from me surprised to see her. “Oh, hey, sorry I didn’t mean to abandon you. Graham’s dogs got carried away in here, so I was giving him a hand cleaning up.”

  One corner of Nicky’s mouth lifts in the most satisfied smirk. “Gotcha, well that’s great, you two get to know each other better. Gloria’s letting me borrow one of her swimsuits so I can cool off in the pool.” She tilts her head to the side playfully. “Take your time, and uh, you might want to make that bed.” She winks and walks down the hall toward the bathroom.

  We look at each other again, me embarrassed, him surprised. “I’m sorry, she’s tactless.”

  “Don’t be, she’s looking out for you, and it’s sweet.”

  “Ha, you wouldn’t think so if it was you she was trying to set up all the time. She’s relentless. She thinks I don’t have enough friends, and by friends, I mean boyfriends.”

  “Yeah? So how many is enough?”

  “I imagine she’d be happy with one seeing as I don’t date at all.”

  He doesn’t date? I find that impossible to believe. He’s incredibly handsome with his boy-next-door good looks, amber eyes, short blond hair, and lean muscular build.

  “You don’t date? Why?”

  He turns his back on me to go into the bathroom and dispose of the last of the toilet paper he’s holding. “I don’t have a lot of free time. I take my job seriously, and it doesn’t leave much time to socialize.”

  “So you’re a workaholic who needs to get out more?”

  He leans his shoulder against the bathroom doorjamb. “That’s about right.”

  “Is that how you like it or would you prefer to get out more?”

  “It’s how I like it.”

  “So, say I asked you out, you would say no?”

  He crosses his arms over his chest in a self-preserving gesture, but he doesn’t say no. “I don’t know.”

  “How about we find out then? Levi, would you please have lunch with me on Tuesday afternoon?” I can’t believe the words I’m hearing coming out of my mouth. What the hell am I doing? I cannot date a cop, it would never work, but I don’t seem to have any control over what I’m saying. It’s like there’s a direct connection from the ache in my heart to my mouth to know this man better.

  Nicky walks past the door with Gloria dressed in the skimpiest bikini I’ve ever seen and says, “Yes. He’ll go.” She smiles, and Gloria gives her a congratulatory pat on her shoulder like they’re old friends.

  When they’re gone, Levi looks at me. “I guess we’re having lunch Tuesday.”

  My insides flutter, and my outsides smile. “I guess we are.”

  Chapter Seven

  Levi

  “What are you doing?” I hiss at Nicky when she finally exits the pool and takes a lounge chair next to mine.

  She looks down at her dripping wet body barely covered by an itsy, bitsy string bikini. “I’m swimming, dummy.”

  “You know what I mean.” I watch her while she takes her time arranging her towel on the chair before she sits down.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Levi. I’m having fun making new friends at this wonderful barbeque you brought me to. Thank you, by the way, I’ve never met a greater group of people.” She rests her head back and closes her eyes to soak up the perfect California sunrays.

  “You know what I’m talking about. You know I’m not ready to date yet, but you pushed me into accepting Graham’s invitation.”

  She rolls her head to the side to face me and opens her eyes. “Not ready? Levi, it’s been years since you and Neil broke
up…”

  “We didn’t break up. He disappeared into the night never to be heard from again, Nicky. There’s a big difference,” I say interrupting her.

  “Whatever. You’ve been licking your wounds long enough. It’s time to get your hot ass back into the game. Have some fun, live a little. All work and no play make Levi a dull boy.”

  “I’m not dull, and I don’t need to get back into any game. I told you, I’m done with men. I don’t need that kind of pain in my life again.”

  “Why do you think every man is going to turn into a Neil? He was a douchwaffle, and he didn’t deserve a wonderful, loving, loyal man like you. He would have ruined your life had he stuck around. Don’t be angry with me, but I was never so relieved as the day you told me he was gone. I thought I was going to have to find a new best mate because there was no way in hell I was going to stick around and watch you marry that idiot.”

  “You were going to dump me because I loved Neil?” I ask incredulously.

  “I wouldn’t have dumped you all together, but there was no way I was hanging out with the two of you on weekends and holidays.”

  “He was pretty bad, wasn’t he? It’s amazing what you can’t see when you’re in the eye of the storm.”

  “Damn straight. He was a pig.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me what you thought of him?”

  “I love you, and I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. It wouldn’t have made a difference anyway, you were so far gone nothing I could have said would have helped. If you ask me, he did you the biggest favor of your life when he left. I know it broke your heart, but you’re better off for it.”

  She’s right. It wouldn’t have mattered. I thought Neil was the love of my life. I lived to make him happy, and in return, he walked all over me. I had never been in love before, and now I know what we had wasn’t love at all. He took and took without giving anything in return, and in the end, he took my heart and disappeared.

  But not before breaking it into little pieces. I accepted what a cruel man he was when I found the video files on my laptop, not hidden but right on the desktop for me to see. They were of him and several lovers he’d taken over the years we were together, men and women, having sex in our bed presumably while I was away working the night shift at the police station. It made me physically ill. I remember vomiting in the trashcan next to my desk in our home office. I made myself watch them—all of them—as punishment.